Sometimes I feel like life is dancing and progressing around me and my feet are stuck in concrete. There are a lot of things that are about to change in my life and I’m not sure I’m ready. How can I be ready when at this present time I find it so totally difficult to accomplish minor things? I literally sat in my car for about 20 minutes people watching because I didn’t want to go inside of Kroger. When I got inside I walked in circles trying to find green peppers. How did the produce section become so overwhelming? How much of this are pregnancy hormones? Some days I feel totally crazy. I’m dealing, but geeze. There are definitely good days and bad days.
A tiny update for you:
Bella is breech and has been (from at least) the 35 week appointment. We have an ultrasound on Tuesday to determine her position (at 38 weeks) and if she is still breech they will schedule a C section. People keep telling me “Oh don’t worry, she’ll flip.” — will she? Right now saying that doesn’t help. What will help? I don’t know. Bring me food after she’s born (however method of birth that may be) and we’ll talk about it further. Stay tuned for more info on this. I smell a C section blog coming on if I do find myself embarking on that journey. There are pros and cons to each “type” of birth, so I’m not going to freak out too much about it….yet.
Also, I started a low dose of Zoloft. Probably wise since it should “kick in” about the time my hormones will be officially crashing. I guess that’s all I can say about that for now. I have my first therapy appointment on the 4th, but I’ll most likely wind up rescheduling because we’ll be having a baby around then (or sooner). I might just start in September. Or earlier, if needed.
Other random musings…
I think part of my struggle is that I need to look within to find happiness and be “okay” with myself, flaws and all. I need to stop attaching my happiness to other people; what they do or don’t do. What they say or don’t say. Here’s a news flash, people aren’t perfect. Putting your ‘happiness eggs’ in their basket probably isn’t a good idea. How do you stop doing that though? I’m still trying to figure it out.
themindofsteph 